Requiem
by Elizabeth Whittaker
Summary: Sequel to Protection. -Chapter 4 UP!- Yuki X Shuichi, Tatsuha X Ryuichi. Shuichi still hasn't fully recovered from the accident and everyone is concerned. Can Eiri, Tatsuha and Ryuichi undo the damage they've done to Shuichi?
1. Unsettling Discoveries

And in the same night, somehow, I have had a plan to separate the story into two parts. I wanted to be able to have more liberties with this in a new setting, story and out of the hospital setting. I also wanted to go into a few things that I couldn't get into in "Protection".

Thank you all for your reviews for that story. I honestly can say that it was the fastest story I have ever finished and the longest fanfiction story ever written. I'm hoping to have just as much for this one.

I still have my beta tester and medical expert, **AngelofLight** to help me with those parts.

So enjoy the beginning of the new story . . . and this is two weeks after "Protection" has taken place, in case anyone asks how long this is after the story.

---------------

Anticipation filled the air as he felt the camera crew work its magic on the scene in front of him, a smile playing on his small pale face.

The man had sat down, tipping his black top hat down over his face so that his eyes could not be seen into the cameras. He would not allow them to see his expressive blue eyes yet because it was not time to aim the camera at him. When it came down to it, he really was only supposed to be supervising this press conference. He was not supposed to be the one who would be announcing the news about Bad Luck's album.

He had left that up to Mr. Sakano and K to do, along with the help of a journalist that they had encountered during the event that had led up for this event to take place. And he had to admit, they were doing a fine job without him.

Tohma Seguchi had looked upon the few people that were the main stars of the attraction in front of him. He had to admit, the woman who was interviewing them had pulled off this impromptu press conference rather well. A woman who had her degree in journalism, Marian Tamika had proven that she was very qualified for the job. She had seemed to set Hiroshi Nakano at ease and had stopped Suguru Fujisaki from making an ass of himself on television.

_Well done,_ Tohma thought as he watched the conference going on, standing up from his seat. _With this, we can allow Shindou-san to recover from his injuries, and we can also allow time for Mr. Nakano and Suguru to improve their skills in their work, and out of the studio. A lot has happened in the last week since Shindou-san had been in the hospital._

As he looked away to pull out his Nextel cellphone, he noticed that it beeped and had picked it up. Sighing, he clicked on the receive button and had answered it. "Seguchi."

He paused as he glanced back up at the conference that had been taking place, smiling to himself as he heard a familiar voice through the phone. "Seguchi, are you sure this press conference was a good thing to do without Shuichi's permission? After all, his album was supposed to be released soon."

"Oh, I think that this is a good thing," Tohma responded. "After all, Shindou has had a lot placed on him within the last week. He's slowly recovering, but I don't want to rush his progress." Again he paused as he tried to listen to how things were going.

"I just want to make sure," the voice replied sternly. "The doctors tell me he's still afraid of being put in anything that moves. I don't want you to make him come to work and suddenly having him flip out in the car or something."

"Eiri, I promised you that Shindou-san wouldn't be back at work for a few weeks. I won't let him come back until he recovers enough to be able to perform effectively. Stop worrying so much about it." He looked annoyed now as he was keeping an eye on everything. "Besides, Shindou-san and you need some time to heal from all of this. You both are still tense."

"That doesn't mean anything," the voice of Eiri Yuki answered back in a concerned voice. "I don't know how extensive the psychological damage or trauma is to Shuichi. He won't talk to me about the accident, Tohma."

"Still?" Now Tohma grew concerned. "That's strange. It's been almost two weeks since he's been admitted into the hospital. I would have thought—"

"So did I."

Tohma sighed heavily. Even he did not know all the details to Shuichi Shindou's car accident. All he knew was what the media had reported and what scant details that they found out from the two makers of the accident, which were Ryuichi Sakuma and Tatsuha Uesugi. "Eiri. You're going to have to find out."

"I'm doing one thing at a time, Tohma. I have a lot to fix. So does Ryuichi and Tatsuha. Apparently, I can't get them within the same room near Shuichi without him going into hysterics."

_I figured that much,_ he thought. _They both still have a lot of work to do. Otherwise . . . I know Eiri will never forgive himself, or them. But it's strange . . . to think that the once happy go lucky Shuichi Shindou has been reduced to someone who suffers from depression and severe post traumatic stress disorder. It's a lot for someone to bear._

_But I think it's harder for Shuichi because he doesn't want to show Eiri that anything is wrong._

"Well, then that's all the more reason why I won't let Shindou-san come back until he is able to recover from this incident. I want him to be fully recovered. Not just because of you," Tohma added hastily. "I think all of us do. We . . . each have grown during that freakish hospital visit."

"I'm glad, Tohma," he heard his brother-in-law respond. "Now I have to go. I told him I'd be back inside 20 minutes ago." With that the phone line went dead.

_Eiri . . . I forgotten how hard this is going to be on you too. But . . . I've done all I can for Shindou-san. The rest . . . the rest is something only you can do. And I hope that you can help Shindou-san, because the rest of us can't seem to reach him, or talk to him._

_And yet . . . he only reaches out to you now._

Tohma put the cellphone back in his fur trenchcoat and nodded to the people up on the stage as they wrapped up the press conference. Turning around, he had headed out of the room, knowing that postponing the album that Bad Luck was supposed to be releasing would do wonders for the band.

But it would also give them time for Eiri Yuki to try to find out what exactly was wrong with Shuichi Shindou that he would close up to everyone he knew in such a short amount of time.

Tohma could not have it. He would not. The boy was a valuable asset to him at N-G Productions. That was part of why he was doing this, he knew. The other was because he actually grown to accept the boy when he brought Eiri back to New York.

He needed Shuichi to keep his brother-in-law from going over the edge.


	2. Truth

After a year or so of hiatus, I am back to finish the sequel to Protection, with my beta, Angeloflight! I must confess that without her, I probably would not even have finished this story.

I had decided to take a lot of people on their reviews, and I agreed after a re-read that the situation had turned a bit weird. However, this fanfic has a more serious tone, due to the nature of the last story. With this said, keep in mind that all characters will remain in character as best as they can.

If you have not read Protection, I highly suggest you do—otherwise, you'll have no idea about what this story is about, or why Shuichi is acting the way he does.

Also, until all the chapters are rewritten in the new format and plot that is added, I have taken everything but the prologue and chapter one down.

Thank you for your understanding and patience.

* * *

Chapter One

Truth

Eiri Yuki had strolled into the doorway of an office building, thinking inside that he probably should have cancelled the therapist appointment that he had made a month ago. However, the man knew that the good therapist that he was seeing would notice that something was up, and ask about it on his next appointment. _That's the problem with being predictable,_ Eiri decided. _People notice too much, and then they often try to think that they have the right to know what's wrong._

Still, as he held onto a folder with his latest manuscript under his right arm, he brushed his blonde hair back with his free hand. He decided that the sunglasses that he wore for driving were no longer needed, but was still pissed off about the Mercedes. He really liked that car. Instead, he felt like an old man with his silver PT Cruiser. He blamed the car's slow speed for almost making him late for his appointment as he met up with the receptionist behind the counter.

"Oh, hello," the woman replied behind a glass counter. All he could see was the top of her head, which was kind of creepy.

_That's the one thing I don't like about this office. I always feel I'm not home anymore and that I've transported to the Wizard of Oz, and she's the representative of Munchkinland._ He waited for the Lolly Pop Guild song to come on through the speakers of the radio he heard in her office. Instead, he heard an unidentifiable classical artist. _Damn. One day . . . I'll hear it. I swear._

"Can I help you, sir?" Somehow, it was creepier that she never bothered to look up from whatever she was doing.

"Yeah, I'm here for a appt with Dr. Hanren at 3 pm." He knew that the receptionist had known him as Mr. Uesegi and that she knew he kept the same appt time every week.

But she did not acknowledge it. "Just sign in on the clipboard. Dr. Hanren will be out shortly."

"Thanks," he muttered and took his pen and sprawled out his signature by his name and time on her sheet. Then he found a seat and started to overlook his manuscript. The first few pages seemed okay, but just as he was starting to think his own work was crap, a voice interrupted him.

"Mr. Uesugi?"

He grabbed his precious papers close and addressed the voice by getting up and looking at her. "Ah, hi."

"Ah, Eiri, right on time as always." Tomoko Hanren said with a grin from the doorway. Adjusting her hairband on her straight black hair, she moved next to him and started to talk to him. He always thought she was a bit brash for a therapist. Most were at least dressed professionally in dresses that were like miniskirts. It was why he came here. But Dr. Hanren always wore a business suit and a skirt that came past her knees. "Come in, come in we have a lot to discuss." She stepped aside to let him into the room as she opened the door. "How have you been since our last session? Any changes or have things stayed as status quo?"

He gave her a piercing look and stopped. "Status quo? My brother in law's best friend got my _brat_ in a car wreck, and I'm stuck still trying to get him out the hospital."

She remained unphased by his glare. "Seems to be a pattern with him."

There was no quip from Eiri as he made his way into the room, with Tomoko heading in after him and shutting the door. " . . . they said he needs therapy and outpatient treatment. They want to send him home."

"Considering the amount of trauma I'm sure he experienced, I can concur. I can give you the number of a colleague of mine if you'd like." Tomoko started to go through her desk, looking for something. "You seem nervous at the prospect of him returning home. Why is that?"

_That woman is still not writing a damn word down. Since I started with her two years ago, she has never written anything. Does she have that good of a memory? That's . . . remarkable, yet creepy at the same time. And I'm not that nervous. Just . . . well, I don't know._

"..nervous? What do you mean?" As he answered, Eiri made it look like the door was much more . . . interesting. The manuscript even was more fascinating to look over. His eyes scanned it. _Why the hell did I bring this piece of shit with me? Oh yeah. Mizuki and all her answering machine messages. Doesn't that woman know what a personal crisis is? _ "I'm not really nervous. I just ran out of beer before I came here."

_Lame ass excuse, but true._

Instead, nicotine was his substitute. Without his beer, he had to use what stock of Marlboros were readily available. He had even taken to buying cartons now because Nakano was stealing them off him whenever they were at the hospital together. He made a note to tally how much Shuichi's best friend owed him after Shuichi came home.

"That's a cop out, and we both know it," she stated blandly as she stopped going through her desk drawers to stare at him with grey eyes.

"Still true," he said.

"You need to learn how to cope with things without those vices; but we'll come back to that. Stop trying to dodge the subject and tell me how things have been."

"For god's sake, woman--sometimes I wonder why I come." He practically threw the manuscript at her, but opted for banging his hand against the desk as he took a seat. The chairs were comfy, he had to admit. "Look . . . I really don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do, okay?"

"Now we're getting somewhere," She said, pleased as she finally took the seat across from him. "The answer is very simple- just be there for him. If he needs to talk, listen. If he needs a hug, hug him. If he needs ice cream, go to the store."

" . . . I'm not a "huggy" guy. I don't like that sort of thing." He glanced around her office, really not wanting to talk about "hugging". He still noted that the walls were white, as if that was comforting. After the last week in the hospital, Eiri never wanted to see white walls again. He wanted to repaint whatever ones were left in his own house now. The diploma and various degrees hung on the walls, stating all that she had studied. _Psychology, PH.D, wow. _

"He's going to need reassurances—"

Thrown out of his thoughts, Eiri glared at her.

"Don't look at me like that, Eiri," Tomoko chided.

He was not in the mood for this. " . . . I'm too used to him being an idiot."

"Even if he's an idiot, and I'm not saying that he is . . . he's still a human being. You're going to have to come to terms with the fact that the next few weeks are going to be completely about him. You're going to need to be the strong one in the relationship. He's going to need to someone to rely on and to chase away the nightmares." Pausing, she allowed Eiri a chance for all that to sink in. "Now the question remains: is the person doing those things going to be you?"

"..." He didn't answer, because he had no clue on how he was going to do those things. No one else could take care of him. He clearly knew that. Not after his parents did not visit him in the hospital. Hell, they only came home a day early from their vacation. He really wanted to lay them out, but Shuichi—his sweet little fluffball—asked him not to.

So, he did not. But goddamnit, it would mess his routine up. He had a routine. He always just sat in his room all day and wrote. No one bugged him. No one was even home. Now, all that would change.

"If you're not capable of doing those things for him, then you need to step aside and let someone who can handle it take over."

"And who exactly is there?" Eiri growled. "No one else knew what to _do_. And where are his parents? They just came back from a cruise, have no idea what to do, won't visit in the hospital and worse of all, Shu won't see them, or talk to them."

"What about that friend of his? His bandmate? The one cute guitarist?"

"Hiro? I think sometimes even he needs a break from him."

"But I'm sure he's willing to pitch in and help out." The thearpist sighed. "The point is Eiri, you wont be alone. You'll have help. But we both know you're the one he's going to want."

"...yeah." His voice was very soft at this statement. "But during the whole thing--even when they told me--all I thought about was how much I need him. That's kind of--selfish."

"If that's selfish then Shuichi is probably the most selfish person on earth," Tomoko quipped with an amused look.

" . . . but I didn't think about what he was going through, at all--during all that. I was only thinking of how I was going to go on without him." He closed his eyes and had clutched the manuscript in his hands as he went on. "I started to think of what happened, and what was going to happen. All the things that would change, and how much different it was going to be. You know, stopping the press from interviews, Shu's album being held off, and how Tohma tried undermining everything. But in a sense, I think it's starting to be okay. I . . .

"I just don't know what to do, and if I'll ever be good enough for him, that's all."

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Because how could he love someone who wasn't there to protect him from his own brother?" Taking a breath, Eiri let the memories play in his mind, and recalled earlier that day, when he had heard that Shuichi would be allowed to come home.

* * *

Eiri Yuki sat in the chair next to a hospital bed and sighed as he glanced at his manuscript that was in his hands. He could not understand what it was that he had written. It seemed to be a rushed document, full of spelling mistakes and errors. He had not even gotten to the tenth page and had scoffed at the very idea of the story in front of him going to his editor. _She would laugh at this,_ Eiri thought silently, his gaze turning to the sleeping figure that was occupying the space. _The characters seem so fake, as if they are just background. I don't know how anyone can stomach to read this crap. _Then he blinked before taking off his glasses and pocketing them in his black suit. _And besides, I haven't had time to polish it up. I forgot that my deadline for this was tomorrow._

_I suppose I'll have to hold off on that for right now too. I can't really do much because of how I feel for Shuichi. He's still trying to pretend and I hate when he's upset._

Over the last week and a half that Shuichi Shindou was the hospital, Eiri had found that he had needed to protect him from the press that kept trying to storm into his room on the third floor. They seemed to like to try to get in his room at least twice a day and Shuichi was hardly in the right state of mind for anything at the present time. Eiri could hardly get him to say a few words to him, let alone talk about the accident that had taken place.

Shuichi would just wake up and cry for a minute, trying to look for Eiri before taking his hand. He would give that familiar smile, and try to hide the fact that he was in pain. Yet his violet eyes told him the lies and the feelings that Shuichi was living in. He could not stand the fact that every time Shuichi had to be moved from where ever he was, he began whimpering and crying.

It broke Eiri's heart and he would firmly take the boy in his arms and cradle him until he would pass back onto sleep or calm down. Most of the time it was the former, since the painkillers made him tired and so did his emotional overloads.

He once again turned back to look at the document and had tried to read it again. It was no use. He could not get into the story at all. Eiri felt that it was too dry and fake to even be considered in his mind, and had already rejected any hope of salvaging it. It was the way he was when he came to his writing.

"Mr. Uesugi?"

Eiri snapped his head up to glance at the very familiar nurse that had been a frequent part of their lives for the past week and a half. A brown haired nurse with a cap on her head, he had finally remembered that her name was Arlena.

"Are you kicking me out again?" he asked in an irritated tone.

Arlena laughed. "No no. I have good news this time."

"Good, because I'm getting sick of getting kicked out as I'm getting work done. It's tedious to drag something here to work on, and get kicked out as I get into my work." Yet a smile curled on the corners of his mouth as his gold eyes looked to Shuichi. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"Dr. Tanae has decided that Mr. Shindou will be able to go home tomorrow . . . if you can manage to get him in the car without him going into hysterics," Arlena told him. "Of course, there should be a trauma nurse there with you in case something happens to Mr. Shindou."

Eiri glanced up at her, the papers forgotten in his hand. "Are you sure that it's alright to release him from the hospital now? I mean, I can't get him to even let Tatsuha and Ryuichi stay in the same room," he pointed out. "And he's still—"

"The doctor thinks it would be better if he was home, because then he could get more help there then if he was in the hospital," Arlena had answered, glancing at Shuichi's sleeping form. "As for Mr. Sakuma and Mr. Uesugi, that is something that you, as well as those individuals, have to work on. I know it was a mistake . . . everything that happened, I mean . . . but Mr. Shindou will probably need some serious therapy in order to recover from this ordeal."

At the mention of therapy, Eiri shuddered. He remembered that he had his own therapist to go to tomorrow as well. _Damn, tomorrow's going to be one hell of a day._ He made a note to himself to try to reschedule it when he left the hospital that night and to see if maybe she could see Shuichi as well, since he doubted he would want to go anywhere without him around in the first place. "Alright, I'll see what I can push back. I don't think Mizuki's going to like me putting off another deadline, but it can't be helped. And Dr. Hanren . . . well, she'll deal."

"Suddenly you seem so cold, Mr. Uesugi," Arlena remarked, suppressing a chuckle. "Trying to keep your reputation intact, aren't you?"

"It was ruined when my ass was hanging out of that gown for everyone to see." He flushed in embarrassment as he remembered running out of the room that he was checked into, seeing the form of Shuichi's transparent body call out to him. "I'm sure there were a few people who were---"

"I'm sure Mr. Sakuma was pleased," she answered. "He was more worried though. But—You killed some ladies out there." She then had moved over to the side of Shuichi's bed and had began to check the instruments for any changes.

"Hey . . . Arlena," Eiri asked a moment later.

Her head looked up from what she was doing. "Yes?"

"I don't usually say this but thank you. For everything, I mean." Eiri had risen from the chair and had cracked his knuckles as he put the writing down. "I just don't know if I should be trying to take Shuichi out of the hospital yet. He's barely able to stay awake for more then a few hours at a time."

A groan came from the bed as Eiri's eyes looked down and saw violet eyes flickering open. He could see the tiredness in Shuichi's eyes as he sat back down and took his hand. "Hey, brat," he said. "You alright?"

Shuichi cleared his throat and had coughed a moment. He had the chest tube removed two days ago, but he still had some trouble breathing when he awoke at times. The boy nodded and he smiled. "Yuki . . . I heard something, but I'm not sure what it was. Just now, I mean."

Eiri smirked. "Probably me. But are you feeling any better?"

For the last week Eiri had tried to ask him this and it was here that he could begin to see the lies through Shuichi's expressive eyes. The man saw him glance away at the floor and he had grabbed his hand harder, taking a long breath. " . . . I don't know."

_At least that's improving,_ Eiri thought. _At least he's not trying to say yes and lie right now._

"Mr. Shindou, I have some news for you, if you care to hear," Arlena told him. "It's good, I promise. No more bad news."

"The press aren't here?" Shuichi asked, his voice trembling.

Eiri patted his shoulder. "Nah, we scared them off. Told them there were rabid bunnies in your room and that if they came within three feet of you that they would contract it." He thought that the excuse was stupid, but . . .

Shuichi laughed softly. Then he began coughing and then stopped a moment later.

"Yuki, I'm alright, really. You don't need to crack jokes. It's not like you."

_But don't you see? If you know it isn't like me, don't you think being quiet and hiding how you feel isn't like you, either, Shuichi? _But he did not voice that as Arlena laughed at the exchange between them.

"How would you feel if I said you could go home tomorrow, Mr. Shindou?" Arlena said. "The doctors think you're ready enough now."

For the first time since he had seen him, Shuichi had smiled broadly and cheered. In the middle of the loud cheer, he had began to cough violently and Eiri held up his shaking form until he was able to sit up again. "Calm down," he muttered, but smiled as well. "You'll work yourself up again."

It was then that Shuichi had turned to Eiri and had hugged him softly. "I know. But I don't wanna go in that car, Yuki . . ." he whispered, the happiness dissolving from his face. "I don't—"

"We'll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I have to go. She's going to kick me out soon anyway, idiot." Eiri had grabbed the stack of paper that he was writing and he started to get up. "Don't worry, Shu. I meant what I said before. You think I'd take it back now?"

The other looked away and at the floor. "I don't know, Yuki. I . . . I don't think I know anything anymore. Why Tatsuha and Ryuichi . . . why they did what they did . . . but I just feel . . ." Shuichi trailed off before shaking his head and put a smile on his face. "I hope you don't, Yuki."

_Why do his emotions conflict like that? Was I really that hard on that idiot that he would flinch away from me? I know we've both changed . . . but . . . if I knew I treated him harshly, I should have fixed it earlier. Dammit!_ His hand caressed Shuichi's cheek and he kissed it softly. "I'll be back in the morning. And when I come back, we're going home, Shuichi."

The other nodded as his eyes closed, his hand still holding onto Eiri's. It slackened as he fell back asleep and he glanced to Arlena, who nodded to him. "You should go now if you're going to leave, Mr. Uesugi. Mr. Shindou will be fine."

Eiri nodded as he sighed softly. "How do I get him to open up again? He seems lost."

"That, Mr. Uesugi, is something you will have to learn how to do. I'm afraid everyone works differently." She had seen that Shuichi's IV bag was nearly empty and had gone over to a cabinet to grab another one. "Go on. He'll be here in the morning and you can take him home. I just suggest that you cancel what you had planned."

"I was going to," Eiri replied as he walked to the door. He stopped and had let his eyes drink in Shuichi's sleeping form again. "I think that he'll need me there a lot more now. And somehow, I don't think I'm going to get used to that."

"That's why he needs to be out of here. If we keep him here, then he'll be confined in the memories that have crippled him. And I have confidence that you are able to help Mr. Shindou, along with many of the friends and family that have came to visit him." As she put the new bag on the pole that his other bags were on, she yawned softly. "Mr. Shindou seems like a strong man. He just needs to be pushed back in the right direction."

Eiri nodded once more. "Yes. I do think that's the case. Thank you. Goodnight, Arlena." He turned around and buttoning up his coat, had headed out the door.

* * *

"There's nothing wrong with that. It's a natural reaction. You were afraid to lose another person you love. You can't control your feelings Eiri, you can only control your actions. Now that you know he's alive and on his way to being well, you can focus on his feelings."

He remained silent, unsure of where this conversation was leading to.

"I think this is a very big step for you. Not only have you experienced an emotional roller coaster, but you've also admitted you need and rely on Shuichi, and are expressing concern for his well-being. Bravo. I never thought we'd make this much progress this fast."

"Fuck you," he hissed. "I don't _need _him. I keep him around."

"You're contradicting yourself," She observed. "And you're not fooling either of us."

"Then explain it to me." He picked up a pen and scribbled on the back of some paper, but then stopped.

"What would you like me to explain?" Tomoko Hanren asked, looking intently at him.

" . . . why you think I'm here."


	3. Trust

A/N: Wow, I actually like where this story is going, now. It has a serious tone, but at the same time, I do want some humor in it, you know?

My wonderful beta was a very good source of inspiration for this chapter.

For those that are wondering, the therapist isn't exactly a main character in this piece. However, since Eiri is seeing a therapist and some of this is told in his own flashbacks, I needed a buffer.

Next chapter, I do promise to have Tatsuha and Ryuichi in it, since the story does also feature him as well. It may not be until next week, since I do have papers due for school.

* * *

Chapter Two

Trust

"I think you're here for someone to tell you all the answers because you don't have a clue on what the right thing to do _is_," Dr. Hanren replied, after thinking about it for a moment. She was now going through her desk and taking out some paper. Eiri noticed this, but did not say anything. " You're afraid you're going to do more harm than good."

_What harm did I cause this time?!_ He really was tired of everyone blaming _him_ for the accident. _He_ was not the one who taken Shuichi out of an interview, threw him out of a window and kidnapped him—and then getting him in a severe car wreck that made him go into the hospital. Yet, practically everyone that knew him was blaming him for it.

And in the mist of it, Eiri now had himself thinking that maybe—by the way he was treating Shuichi—that he actually was part of the blame. Maybe not for him being in the hospital—but for his brother and Ryuichi's actions in taking Shuichi. Despite it having a drastic outcome—it seemed that everything would work out just fine . . .

Wouldn't it?

"So how did I do? Did I nail it on the head?" Tomoko asked with an amused smirk as she started to jot down something on the stuff she pulled out of the desk drawer.

Eiri did not say anything to the question. Instead, his eyes took on an expression. He had never expressed anything much other then anger and a cold, bored look. Now, he seemed to be saddened, even remorseful. He fought the urge to actually shed any tears, since he seemed to feel like he had to carry this burden alone.

"Eiri," Tomoko said with a sigh as she reached across the table to take his hand. She always respected that very defined line that rested between them as therapist and patient.

He didn't take her hand, but instead shoved it away. "I'm fine," he growled softly.

"Eiri," She said again, trying to make eye contact. "Things will work themselves out. I know it's scary, and I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, but it's do-able. You're a survivor, and so is Shuichi. You'll beat this and be stronger for it."

"Then why do I feel . . . " He tried pulling out a cigarette from his precious pack of Marlboro's and almost lit it up. The frown on the therapist's face suggested that she did not want him to. Defeated, he glared and put it back. "Alright, alright."

"What do you feel like?"

" . . . it's hard to explain." He crossed his legs in the chair and adjusted his glasses as he closed his eyes.

"Try to." Tomoko's pencil scribbled again. "It's easier to get it out then trying to keep it in."

His eyebrow raised slightly, annoyed at her suggestion. _She's writing stuff down now? Well, this should be interesting._

"We can sit here all day if we have to." The therapist crossed her own legs and leaned back against her desk chair, sighing in relief at the cushions against her back as she crossed her arms.

They kept this game for about five minutes. Eiri said nothing and just stared at Tomoko. The other was jotting down stuff on a piece of paper, just humming away and waiting for something to be said. Shuffling his feet on the ground, he finally stood up and put his hands on the desk. A dark look crossed those gold eyes as his lips made a thin, yet angry line. "_**Stop acting like him**_."

Her eyes looked up partway. "Who?"

"That little fluffball who's just crashed at my house and never left." _Who else does she think I'm talking about? If she says Tohma, we're so done here._

"Ah, Mr. Shindou." She wrote something else down.

_Well, she's not that dense, I guess._ "You never write things down. Why now?"

"You never told me anything before, Eiri." It was a calm statement. Another scribble.

"Hmph. I think we're done here," he said, heading out towards the door.

"Already?" The pencil went down and the woman sighed. "You usually last about 20 minutes. Can we try for a half hour, this time?"

"Usually we're playing bullshit, aren't we?" His hair landed near his eyes as he whipped around and crossed his arms. "I don't have time for this today."

"That's what you always say." She said, as if bored with the whole game.

"I think the fact that we're not playing bullshit is all the more reason for you to stay."

"Hmph." But he walked back over, if only to grab the manuscript that he had left behind. "We can't play without a deck of cards."

"I'll give you a deck all right," She snipped, getting frustrated. "You do this every time, Eiri. Just as we're actually making progress, you go and retreat, like this is a battle for Hiroshima. We're not here to fight, you know. We're here to try to help you with things."

He almost chuckled. Almost. _How is this helping when Tohma forced me to come here? I didn't need this crap. The last one just gave me pills, but Tohma scared her off. This one—ugh. She reminds me a little of—_

"Now, are we going to get to the bottom of this or not?" Tomoko had returned the glare that Eiri had given her earlier. "I'm sick of this dance."

"I think I might as well fold, babe . . . unless you've got a shittier hand then me." Eiri grinned as he realized that he liked tormenting his therapist at each visit.

"I'll charge you extra next time," she threw at him.

He coughed. " . . . you can't do that if you're with a practice. Even _I_ know that."

"Oh, but I can be sneaky." Smirking, Tomoko waved her hand at all the degrees on the wall behind her. "See all these? I'm smart. I can figure something out. So, I suggest that you plant your ass in the chair and start taking these sessions seriously, or I'll have you institutionalized until you do."

"Ahhh..." Eiri's brain seemed to break at that statement. He grasped for anything to throw back, this time. He did not know if Tohma had told her anything, or not. He did not think it would be good to push that bluff. "You can't. What about Shuichi?"

"What about him?" she asked, idily twirling a strand of loose black hair. "You've slowly been going off the wall since he's been in the hospital. Speaking on a professional level, just this session alone has made that obvious. What makes you think that you're able to take care of him, if you're having doubts about the whole entire—"

"You really can't do anything to me, Tomoko. I know you don't have it in you."

She blinked, slightly surprised at the use of her first name. "Ahh . . . "

_See if that shows her how much I actually paid attention—not that I care, _Eiri thought. "And I know for a fact that you have nothing on me, so you couldn't do that. So how about you actually ask what you want, instead of irritating me?" His eyes, which usually were bored, were amused and narrowing, as if it was a verbal chess game.

"Because it's so much more fun this way. Besides, you dodge the questions when I do ask them."

"And do I have to tell you?"

The truth was that Tohma had forced him to see a therapist after he was emancipated from Tohma and Mika's care a few years ago. Eiri did not want to exactly do it, but Tohma had unconventional ways of making Eiri agree. _He blackmailed me after that too, telling me he'd change all the shit on the health insurance and taking that brat off it. Damn him. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I have to confess my whole heart and soul, does it?_

"No," She conceded. "You don't. But we won't get anywhere until you do. I can't help if you won't let me. For the most part, I think you handle things pretty well on your own. However, I also think there are a lot of things you need help to figure out."

"Like what?"

"You're anxieties. Post-traumatic stress. The things that happened in New York."

"I'm not here to talk about New—"

"Your relationship with your family, emancipating yourself from your _brother-in-law_, and maybe even your relationship with Shuichi." She said the words brother-in-law slightly sarcastic.

"I don't come here to talk about my brother in law." He remembered the first few visits that he went, under the watchful eye of Tohma Seguchi. He had known that he was listening in behind the door for the first three visits, until he threatened to tell Mika about what he was doing. After that, Tohma stopped doing it.

Of course, he made other threats, which brought Eiri to this particular situation.

"No, but we both know you're not here on your own free will."

_Damn. I guess she remembers Tohma. _"So?"

Tomoko slumped into her chair and pulled off her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose tiredly. "So, either we can make these sessions productive and get him off of your back, or we can continue to make this a battle of wills." Now she stopped twirling her hair and put her elbows on the desk, holding her head up with her hands. "And for the record, what's said in this room stays in this room. None of this gets back to Mr. Seguchi, but not from his lack of trying."

"Oh, I'm sure," Eiri muttered. "You know about the first few—"

"He tries to get under that door again, and I'll spray Lysol underneath just to hear him choke." She grinned. "In fact, I bought some right after that third visit, when I saw his hands trying to sneak under."

"Just guide him to the nearest pimp catalogue and we'll be good. He'll be entertained for hours."

"Excuse me?" Tomoko asked as she move back against the chair, putting a hand on her chest in surprise.

The novelist snorted, which turned into coughing. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed his fashion style. It's like—" Eiri shivered, remembering a bad dream.

"Why don't we go back to the problem at hand?" Once again, her mighty pencil was clutched between her fingers. "You were trying to explain how you felt at the present time, and started to tell me before we played bullshit."

Eiri took a breath and sighed. "How I feel?"

"Just, in general. I know you've been—"

"Betrayed," Eiri grunted, balling up his fist. " . . . in a sense. Like nothing will ever be the same." He stopped a moment and went back over to where the chair was and sat down. "Do you know what I do? I lock myself in a damn room with four walls and write while he's at work, until he comes home, and cries "YUUUUUKKIIII" until I open that goddamn door and try to get him to shut up. And part of me liked hearing about his stupid day with his friends that do nothing all day long."

Eiri let out a breath and took off his glasses, looking at the ceiling fan. "It took a bit to get it out of him, how his day was—and then I'd make him do his own thing while I wrote. Then . . . I just kind of had sex with him. Then it was a new day all over again. That's what the relationship _was_." He bit his lip, and then started again. "So why the hell am I so bent out of shape over something like this when he was just a boytoy, like Mika and Tohma said?"

"The answer is simple." Now, she smiled. The pencil was really going now, Eiri noticed. He really was uncomfortable with how much she was writing.

"What do you mean, "It's simple"? If it was, would I be here?"

Now, she laughed. Eiri never heard her laughing before. It was a nice sound. Light, but airy. "No, Eiri. You should know the answer to this question."

He took the pen that was out of her cupholder and wrote a few lines on his own manuscript. "I should?"

"Well, think about it. You saw Mr. Shindou as nothing more than a "boytoy", to use your phrase. He comes into your life . . . you said in a park, writing "the most shittiest lyrics I've ever seen", and then just ends up at your house because he wants an apology. I have it right so far, correct?"

" . . . You're taking my quotes out of—"

"And then, you're upset because he moves in. This means you can't get away from him. Instead you "tolerate" his behavior until it starts to grow on you. Judging by the way your reaction has been—between the press and in private—"

"I thought as my therapist you weren't supposed to _watch_ that crap!"

"—the most logical answer would be because sometime, between the time he moved in, when you had intimate moments and the traumas that went on between your relationship—"

"I _didn't say I was in a relationship_!"

"—you stopped seeing Shuichi as just a 'boytoy." The pencil slammed down on the table and she folded her arms across her chest, a smirk on her face and her brown eyes dancing in triumph.

Eiri just stared at her, his own gold eyes glaring daggers. _That bitch. I'll have to find a new therapist soon enough . . . ugh. And start this over again? Wait—did she watch any of this stuff on TV? That's cheating!_ "You cheated, didn't you?"

"Not at all. It's obvious. You left your manuscript here last week."

Silence followed at the shocking confession. "You're not serious, Tomoko."

Her hands unfolded as she pulled out a pile of papers from her desk drawer. He recognized the top page, which contained the title, sprawled in his own cursive handwriting. _Requiem._ "It's a . . . different type of piece."

"Do you read my books, too?"

"I read enough," she replied. "How am I supposed to know about my client if he won't talk?"

"Mmmrph." It was the start of a growl. "Sneaky—"

"Why Requiem, though?" She handed him back the papers, but he held up his hand. "You want me to keep these?"

"I have another draft. What do you think I've been working on?"

"Oh, I get it." She kept the papers and put them in a file that she had about Eiri. "Thanks."

"Hmph."

"So, going back to what we were saying . . . you have feelings for Shuichi. But you try to hide them all the time, because he's more then a boytoy now."

"He's just a brat," Eiri threw out. _Not just any brat, but mine._

"But, he's the first person whose seen the real you . . . the complete you . . . and has accepted you unconditionally. He's never tried to change you. If anything, you care about him for that reason alone."

His head snapped up, as if her words stung. "What would you know?"

"I guess from that _damn manuscript_, didn't I?" Tomoko asked as she stared back calmly at the golden eyes that emitted anger.

"That little brat followed me to New York, for god's sake! Who in their right mind goes to see someone who tells them to never see them again?"

She nodded approvingly with a smile. Eiri heard the unnerving sound of the lead pencil scribbling on the paper. _God, that's irritating. I like the click of keys better. That sound gets on my nerves . . . _

"The kid's got spunk to say the least."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Eiri asked with a hard edge in his voice. "He followed my ass! He was in a costume, begging me to come and was sitting with me, stalking me!" He was almost at the point of screaming. "How is that spunky?"

"Because he has more balls than anyone I've ever met. He chased the person he loved across the world to prove his devotion, knowing that he would most likely be rejected. I don't think I could ever be that brave."

"He's a goddamn brat. He's never thinking of what other people want, or what the consequences of them are. He only thinks of himself. Goddamn--Shu."

Tomoko tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps that's true, but the fact remains is that whatever he does, people seem to gravitate towards him. It's that true? You are, too."

Eiri looked away and glanced towards the closed door of her office. "Yeah," he said, caught up in the memory of trying to take him home for the first time. "I guess you could say that. But it was cute before. Now, I'm stuck. It's like super gule that won't come off."

"What an analogy."

"I'm serious, Tomoko. When I went to take Shuichi home, it was like I was seeing a different type of person. That kind of thing really . . . bothers me."

* * *

Eiri rubbed his head softly as he closed his eyes, sitting in his silver PT Cruiser that he had just bought to replace the Mercedes that was wrecked. He was pissed that he had such a lame car, but there were no more blue Mercedes at the particular shop that he had went to. He also needed a roomier car because he had a feeling he would be trying to get Shuichi to just stay in the car a lot. _If he's like that when he's in a rolling chair, I can only imagine the car ride home. Idiot._

_I really don't think I should have gone to see the psychiatrist today, of all days. It was hell to just get the prescriptions filled. Damn her and her wanting to switch my medicines because of the events that happened. I was fine before. Wasn't my fault the damn brat plagued me._

He covered his mouth as he yawned softly. Eiri had pulled another all nighter that night, trying to frantically write at least four chapters in his document while Shuichi was still at the hospital. He did manage to make Mizuki wait two more days to meet with him but she was angry about it. The blonde felt rather tired as he leaned back against the seat, looking in his pocket for his lighter. When he found it, he found that he was too tired to even lift it, or look for his cigarettes. _Maybe . . . I should just forget trying to do that manuscript today and just crash in bed. I can't think straight anymore. It's after the fourth day that I start . . . _

He shut his eyes softly, feeling a bit dizzy. Eiri was really beginning to have doubts about his ability to take care of Shuichi, let alone himself. But he shook his head and had cleared it, trying to keep a clear head. _I'm seriously going to have to talk to Dr. Hanren,_ Eiri decided. _I forgot to ask what the side effects were. But at least she'll see Shuichi, which takes one worry off . . . my . . . hands . . . _

His head had rested on the steering wheel and he had closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to catch some sort of sleep before having to drive Shuichi home. It took him a moment to wake up as he realized that he could hear him, even from where he was in the car.

----

"But what if he doesn't come back?" Shuichi whimpered as he got out of the wheelchair, watching Eiri's form going out of sight and to a silver car. He had found it rather hard to move in his attire, considering that Eiri had made him wear a pair of the older man's pajamas. Ironically enough, they were a pair of pink bunny pajamas that Shuichi had bought him when they had moved to their new apartment and he was surprised Eiri even had them.

"_Here,"_ Eiri had told him. _"Wear this and shut up, brat. You're not going in that gown. I can't stop every woman who wants to touch your ass."_

_Yuki . . . _ Shuichi was interrupted from his daydream of the memory as he saw him getting in the car and closing the door. He had noticed earlier that he had seemed kind of tired, but was not too worried. _Yuki always stays up for days at a time and is still the same._ Then a thought nagged at him and he had begun to panic as he realized he would soon be going in the car.

_What if he crashes . . . god knows he's done it enough. Or what if Tatsuha kidnaps him again?_

The blonde nurse, who Shuichi knew as Teresa, had looked to him and patted his shoulder. "Mr. Shindou, please calm down. Everything will be fine. Mr. Yuki will be right back . . . he just went to—"

_Yuki! Someone's going to make him crash!_ Shuichi had ignored the nurse and had begun to run toward where Eiri was, frightened at the mere thought of something happening to him. "YUKI!!!!"

"Mr. Shindou!" Arlena exclaimed from beside Teresa. "He's coming back!"

Before he could make it to his destination, he had made it about twelve paces away from the door and had started coughing again. Two of the male nurses that had accompanied Teresa and Arlena had grabbed Shuichi and was dragging him back to the entrance way. He began to kick and fight at them, but it made him cough harder and he stopped as he was back to where the female nurses were.

"Let me go! You bastards!" the vocalist screamed. "How dare you keep me from saving Yuki! He could be injured, or –"

"Mr. Shindou! Please calm down! Do you want to go home, or go back in there?" Teresa asked gently.

Shuichi sighed. He hated this. He hated that he had to go in that car. The car was what caused the problem in the first place. " . . . yeah. I do. But . . . not in the car. Anything but the car," he whimpered.

For a moment Eiri stopped the car before he got to his destination, shocked at watching Shuichi and how much he fought with the hospital staff. _. . . wasn't he almost asleep when I left a minute ago?_ The man marveled at Shuichi's insatiable amount of energy and then groaned._ God damn, that little bastard must have eaten that box of pocky before they got him down to the door. Damn kid._ He had honked the horn as he hit his head against it, knowing the he was grateful that he had cancelled meeting his editor today.

"YUKI!!!!! YOU'RE ALIVE! YAY!!!!"

He lifted his head up and saw Shuichi moving toward the car with his right arm open, ready to attach himself to him. As Eiri shook his head and stopped the car, he turned it off and opened the door, revealing himself to the boy. It was that that made Shuichi completely stop and look at him.

Violet eyes looked like he had been hit by another car as the raw emotions of fear swirled in them.

"Hey, Shu," Eiri said, "you alright?" He knew the answer, but he wanted to see what Shuichi would do. He never thought the trauma was this bad. That seeing a car would make him relive the accident that badly.

Shuichi had just stood there, staring at Eiri for a moment before trembling and hugging him softly. " . . . I don't know. I don't know, Yuki."

Eiri patted Shuichi's head. "Come on," he said, holding him close. He wanted him to not run too far since Eiri had not felt like playing Shuichi's version of tag in the parking lot. Not to mention with the pack of cigarettes he had smoked within the last three days, he was not in the best of shape. "You ready to go home?"

Arlena had walked up to the blonde nurse and nodded to her. "You have to admit, Teresa, they are remarkable."

"That they are," Teresa agreed. "And not to mention entertaining, I haven't cried or laughed this much in years!"

_A comedy act?_ Eiri thought, rather . . . amused by the idea. _Even though it was not funny to me at the time, looking back . . . there are other ways I could have acted. But this was all needed for something. And Shuichi seems to be doing much better because of these nurses._

_So if a little embarrassment was needed . . . _

Arlena smiled. "Neither have I. But I think they'll be back...even if I'll miss the cold hearted novelist. But I must say, don't you think the rumors are wrong?" She talked in a hush whisper, acting as if Eiri did not hear her.

"Very wrong, I think," Teresa whispered back. "It's just his way of keeping his private life private. I am going to miss watching him run by in a hospital gown though. Linda got pictures."

Arlena smirked. "What a sly move that was. I guess she'll share them later."

"She better not," Eiri muttered.

"Oh, I don't mean with the media. We needed some memento of your wonderful visit," Teresa told him, beaming at Eiri. "After all, it was the most fun I had working at the hospital in 3 years."

Eiri just continued to glare at her. "I'll give you 10,000 yen if you can get the pictures from her."

"But I wanna go home, Yuuuki!" Shuichi whined softly. "I don't want anymore random people waking me up every 20 minutes to poke at me," Shuichi buried his head into Eiri's green shirt, which he just ironed that morning. "And I want food. I'm tired of not eating . . . I really wanted some pocky."

Eiri sighed. "Well what are you waiting for, Shu?" He asked, glancing down at the pink haired vocalist who was just gazing at him, his little arm wrapped around him. He had to admit, this was one of the better moments of the last two weeks. He liked that Shuichi could stand up and hug him and that he would not hurt him if he hugged his lover. But then a sad look passed in his eyes and for a moment, his heart felt pain.

"I guess I have to let go then, huh?" Shuichi whispered. "But . . . "

Eiri smirked as he grabbed Shuichi's hand and pulled him toward the PT Cruiser that was behind him. "That would help, unless you're planning something I don't know about." He winked at him.

A smile came from Shuichi and Eiri nodded to him as he opened the car door for him. At the fact of opening the door, his smile vanished and he began to dig his feet into the ground. Eiri had a good hold on his hand as he moved behind him.

"Don't lock up on me, Shuichi. Either you get in the car or you probably won't be able to go home." He looked concerned as his eyes glanced at him.

Arlena sighed. "We might need to bring him back after all," she told Teresa. "You have the tranquilizer ready?"

Teresa nodded. "I just hope we don't have to use it."

"Give me a minute," Shuichi whispered. "I can . . . I can—"

"Thirty seconds," Eiri said. He had hoped that Shuichi would be able to do this on his own. He would not let the nurses sedate him, but he would carry him bodily into the car if he had to. _I'm just glad that K and Fujisaki didn't come to see him off. They would scare the hell out of him. Nakano . . . he would at least get him in the car, maybe even be able to drive with him._

_I should have gotten Nakano to come with me. _

_God . . . _ Eiri thought as he stood behind Shuichi, holding his head, _I'm really starting to feel dizzy. I should have taken a nap before picking the brat up. But I can make up for that when we get home. _

Shuichi had now gotten into the back seat of the car and had sat in the seat. Eiri's eyes turned to look at him and smiled. This was the first step. But then Shuichi jumped up and cried in fear. "NO! I can't! I can't, Yuki! Don't make me!"

_Damn it, I guess I'm going to have to do this the hard way. _"Yes," Eiri said, getting in his face, "You can." Before Shuichi could get out of the car Eiri had locked the car door and had shut it on Shuichi. He then hurried over to the other side and had opened the door and had got in. "Look, you don't want to go back there, do you?"

Shuichi gazed at him and breathed hard, gripping at the seat in the back of the car tightly with his right hand. "N . . . no." His body tensed quickly and his voice trembled. "Yuki . . . I don't wanna do this. I wanna go home, Yuki. Yuki . . ."

Eiri sighed as he started the car, making sure to lock all the doors. "Shuichi, I won't keep you in the car long. Can you try to calm down?" He then took the car out of park and into drive, driving slowly off the parking lot, noting that he had all the prescriptions in his jacket. He would go get them filled when he got Shuichi home, but he debated on letting Tatsuha do it. He did not know yet. After all, his brother still owed him for not putting him in jail.

* * *

"You're only giving me half the facts, Eiri." The pencil stopped scribbling as she put it down and looked at him again. "There's more to this story. But, I think it's almost time to end this session."

He smirked as he ran a hand through his hair. "Whatever do you mean?"

Once again, Tomoko rested her elbows on the desk. "Don't try to act cute Eiri; it hardly suits you. You'll ruin all the progress we've made."

"Hmph." He went to get up from the chair and looked at her. "You're serious?"

"Of course I am. You're opening up. That's a good thing, Eiri." Tomoko had gathered up the things that she was using to write down her notes and put them away. "Now, I expect you to make an appointment next week. We can continue where we left off."

Eiri sighed. "Well, I do feel alright, I guess. Just don't give me meds the same day I have to drive."

Tomoko glared. "You better not have—"

"Well, that's partly why we couldn't get home. But, I'll tell you next time, if you're good." He winked, then snorted as he got to the door and opened it, waving his hand. "Next week, huh? Alright. Later." He knew that Tomoko would not reply back as he closed the door.

As Eiri went to the counter to set up his next diligent appointment, he thought maybe things would be alright after all.


	4. Doubt

A/N: Unfortunately, my beta has been having computer problems, so I am unable to have her advice before putting up this chapter. I think this chapter so far was the hardest one to write, because there are a couple of different things going on here. You guys got a big clue last chapter :) That's why all the updating is slow. I also changed the story title to Requiem, since it sounded better.

To those who are favoriting this story, I sincerely thank you. I want to know why you guys love this story so much, and what I can do to make my writing better or what about it you like.

Legalities: Gravitation © Maki Murakami; Tomoko Hanren, Arlena, hospital staff and Marian Tamika © Elizabeth Marion Whittaker.

PS: I am seriously thinking of trying to contact Maki Murakami to see if I can get these two published as a story. I've always wanted to write. Of course, that would mean really polishing up Protection before I even did that. Does anyone know how to contact Ms. Murakami? I can't find anything online.

* * *

Chapter Three

Doubt

Once again, he was writing as he was waiting for that damn brat to wake up from all the medicine that he was still taking. Eiri wondered whether or not he would actually come in here and bug him, like normal. It was asking a bit much, he thought—but it helped that he got to see him last night.

Well, what was left of yesterday, anyway. He did not want to remember that day, where he picked him up from the hospital. Nonetheless, he knew that he needed to eventually talk to Shuichi about everything—the accident, what he was doing at the studio that day, and what happened with his brother, Tatsuha. Eiri decided that he would really stick to his threat this time. _Anyone who takes my boyfriend without my permission is seriously going to get their ass beat, except Nanako. That man is just scary in itself. _

_Wait, did I just call him my boyfriend? Aw, shit. This is just as bad as when I announced to the world that I was gay, with a smile. Hello, Japan._

_I guess . . . it's not so bad—there could have been worse things, like losing Shuichi forever. _

Thinking about it now bothered him as he was trying to work; but what was bothering him the most was that his personal experience was bleeding into his new romantic work. Eiri just glanced at another few pages he started typing of a new story and sighed. _Another one I've wasted my time on,_ he surmised. _Really, maybe I need a vacation. I should really take it and just spend time focusing on—_

_What am I saying? Someone's got to pay the rent on this place, as astronomically high as it is. _

Picking up the first page, Eiri bypassed the title and put the page behind the rest of the papers. Exhaling his cigarette, the novelist put on his glasses and began reading the first part of what was written.

_You never know what you have lost until it almost disappears. _

_At least, that was what I was told when my sister first got married, and her husband slowly went away, little by little. She would always stop over whenever he stayed to work late, or make more contracts with potential clients and just bug me, telling me about her problems like I cared. _

_Well, of course I care. It's just hard for me to say I care, that's all. _

_However, when she mentioned how in love she still was with him, I would laugh inside. Many times, I would go out on dates with women, or those that thought they liked me—only to have them just be horrid people who did nothing more than gossip and worry about what color to paint their nails, or dye their hair. I never thought love actually existed. _

_Until I met him, I never thought it was possible at all. I never thought that I could hurt, that I could feel anything. When he threw me away for something material, that hurt even more. It hurt so badly that I was not sure if anyone was worth trusting again—worth putting all that effort into. _

_I became someone who hid within themselves, trying to see the world as a black and white kind of picture, without any sort of grey or medium in it. I had done that for a few years—had a few women here and there—_

_Then I met __**him **__in a park, as I caught a piece of paper in my hand, and looked at the shittest lyrics I had ever seen. Who would come up with this crap, I thought to myself. No one could really think that they would be worth something if they wrote like they were in secondary school._

_But when he came to meet me, I was surprised by how much self confidence he had while I was insulting his livelihood all the while. _

_After that encounter, I knew it was fate. I never believed in it—but when it is your own that is affected, you think you can always fight it, and change what is supposed to be. _

_I did that—and I almost wish I hadn't. _

_How did I know that this little brat who had suddenly sauntered into my life would stay there, not allowing my own anger and pessimism to drive him away? I seem to recall moving on him many times, but he was like silly putty—just keep bouncing back, no matter what you threw at him. _

_By now, I should be used to it. But when it changed, I seriously began to get worried. _

From where he was sitting, Eiri just looked at it, letting the words that were read hit him. This was not just some cheap romance novel, about stale, stoic characters. This was something that was vivid and real. This was something that actually had happened to him. He could see how raw the emotion was, and how attached he had become in just the first page to the writings of this "so called novel". A smirk played across his face as he became intrigued that he could do this.

But, he did not know if he wanted to pursue it as his next newest novel. Somewhere, he knew that he wanted to actually continue, to see where this would lead. _If nothing else, this may help promote their record sales. But do I really want to be that nice?_ His eyebrow raised at just the thought. "Now I know I'm going mad."

" . . . Yuki?"

Startled, Eiri almost dropped his papers as he turned around to see Shuichi at the door, his head peeped around the doorway. "Oi, don't scare me like that."

"But . . . I thought maybe you were out, or something. I didn't see you this morning." Carefully, the pink haired boy entered the sanctuary that Eiri had and just looked at him with those puppy dog eyes. "Are you busy today?"

"Yeah. You know—Mizuki keeps calling me about that deadline. Rather annoying." He blew some smoke out of his cigarette, which was almost gone. His fingers gently took it and put it out in a glass ashtray next to the monitor. "I have to put something out there, even if it's for a bit." Then he walked over to where the other padded through and just looked at him a minute. "I'll only be in here half the day, if that helps—"

" . . . well, okay . . ." Shuichi's head had bent down, as if knowing what the answer would be—as if nothing had changed at all.

Eiri sighed. "Look, if you want, you can sit here until I'm done—"

"Yuki? You don't have to be nice to me, you know?" His head came up and peered at Eiri. "I don't want—"

"Look, brat—come on." Eiri got up and left his manuscript the way it was, except he had pressed the command + s keys together to save it. Then he went to the door. "Oi. You coming or do I have to pull you out?"

"Ah . . ." Then, Shuichi caught on. "Yeah, I'm coming!"

"Good. I wouldn't want to tell you twice." Eiri stopped at the doorway and turned his head around to see him still standing there. " . . . why are you still standing there, brat?"

" . . . I just . . ."

_. . . I can see what Tomoko meant, now abut the reassurance issue. I didn't want to admit that, though. He's usually so resilient. Even after Aizawa, he wasn't like this for that long. Maybe it'll pass. _ But Eiri had a feeling that it would be for a little while yet, and turned around to stare at him.

"Come here. We'll stay here, if you want. I was going to get some pocky, anyway. Between the time I spent in that damn room with you, and then sleeping—"

"You mean you didn't get any of your writing done?" Shuichi interrupted, looking even sadder than he was. Eiri did not think he could look any worse.

"It's okay . . . I couldn't write anyway, with everything going on."

Shuichi took a tentative step closer, amethyst eyes curious. It calmed Eiri, just a little. "So—what was the reason? It wasn't Tatsu and Ryu-chan, was it? I'm sure while you were gone—"

"I didn't come home."

A pregnant pause filled the air as the two looked at each other. Shuichi was tearing up at hearing the words, while the novelist had to look away. His eyes closed as he heard, "I—I didn't think you'd be waiting for me the whole time, you know? I'm sorry. I didn't meant to make you late with your deadlines and—"

"Shuichi."

The simple tone was enough to cut the boy off. It was not even that it was harsh, or guttural. It was that Eiri had said his name. "Y—Yuki? What's wrong?"

There was no answer. He had to look away before he caught himself in another torrent of emotions, things that he had tried to shun away. He still had not been able to completely compose himself after that appointment with Tomoko, and just seeing that Shuichi was more worried about Eiri than himself . . . It reminded him of what Tomoko had told him the day before.

"_But, he's the first person whose seen the real you . . . the complete you . . . and has accepted you unconditionally. He's never tried to change you. If anything, you care about him for that reason alone."_

The scrawny pair of arms that hugged Eiri made him remember why exactly he was here in the first place. "Yuki? What's up?"

" . . . nothing. It's okay, now."

For a moment, it really was. His devotion had not changed, even if Shuichi had managed to tone it down a notch. However, this was something that bothered Eiri a little bit. Some of his fun was gone. Tormenting Shuichi right now just did not seem right. _So . . . what is?_

"It just seems like you're being different, Yuki. You really don't have to pretend. I'm here, aren't I?"

"You almost weren't," Eiri shot back, suddenly angry that the tranquility of the moment was ruined almost instantaneously. "Why do I always have to look after your little ass, anyway? Wasn't K your babysitter that day? It's his fault that it happened to you, so don't go—"

"For god's sake, why can't you be honest just once in your life, Eiri?" The arms dropped away and the warmth that emanated from them was gone as Shuichi turned Eiri to look at him. "You know how you felt, but you rather show it to a _dead man_ than to someone who's standing right there."

"Hey—"

"I'm tired of competing with a shadow. You want him so much, stop pretending to worry about me." Brushing past him, the boy slammed the door into the wall and then closed it behind him.

_Damn it. I hate that fucking brat—why did I want him home, anyway?_

Walking over to his desk again, Eiri looked at the keyboard, now totally losing his interest in trying to work. "Damn it, Shuichi. I didn't even mention Kitazawa this time." Still, he thought that maybe he was right, in some way. Eiri went to the door, slammed it open and felt where Shuichi had made the doorknob go though the wall and glared at him. But his anger subsided as he found the other one on the couch with his head resting against his knees. " . . .do you really think that I would do that to you?"

"You have been." Shuichi glared at him.

"Come on. I said I'd do something with you. I meant what I said, earlier."

Little knobby knees unfolded until Shuichi was sitting on the couch like a normal person again. " . . . about what?"

"Look," Eiri said, not wanting to get into this whole conversation, "I'm here, now. What do you want to do?"

"I want to know what you said, earlier."

As Shuichi was beginning to talk, they both heard the phone ring. It was a generic ringtone and Eiri glanced around. "Did you take your ringtone off that song you had it on?"

"I heard from Hiro that it was a good idea . . ." Shuichi glanced at his phone on the table near the couch and picked it up. "Hey, Hiro. Can I call you back?" Then, he paused. "Thanks." As he hung up the phone, he put it on vibrate. "Sorry about that. Now . . . what did you tell me?"

Eiri thought about it. "It wasn't important. It was at the time."

"Damn it, you're doing it again . . ."

"Hey, shithead. Didn't you want me to spend time with you, or argue with me about some dumb bullshit like mentioning _his _name?" Now Eiri was getting pissed. "Look, I'm going to get some beer, and some pocky at the store. Do you want to walk with me there?"

At the word walk, he noticed that Shuichi's lips curved in a small smile. "Sure. As long as it's not the car . . ."

"I said walk, dumbass, not drive." Eiri smirked as he said it. "I don't mind walking . . . every once in a while."

"Yuki?"

"Yeah?" _How what does he want?_

"Do we have anymore soda at the house, or did you hide it from me again?"

He sighed. "You want anything else, and I _will_ have to drive, moron. I wanted you to come with me, not stay here."

Shuichi laughed and got up to take Eiri's hand. "You know, why can't you say that more often? I think I may be able to actually try to write some lyrics, now!"

Secretly, Eiri wondered if Shuichi would stay like this, and decided that he would not push his luck. He allowed Shuichi to keep his hand in his, and treasured the small moment.

* * *

Glancing at the familiar building that he worked at, Hiroshi Nakano sighed as he looked at where the letters N-G were displayed. A feeling of nostalgia overtook him, knowing that he could have never gotten to work for a fine studio without the help of his best friend, Shuichi Shindou. As the wind blew through his long brown hair, he wished that Shuichi was there with them, finishing up the last part of the album that they had left to do.

But, he also knew that the singer needed to recuperate from his ordeal with Tatsuha Uesugi and Ryuichi Sakuma. It was hard to think that it was only a week and a half ago that Shuichi had been in the hospital for getting into a major car accident. _That was one of the worst days everyone at the studio has had to endure, including Mr. Yuki and Mr. Seguchi. I wonder how most of them are doing. _

Walking closer to the building, he had put his hand over his eyes to cover them to see. The sunlight on that day was brutal to him. He had forgotten his sunglasses at home, since he had been out with his brother the night before. Then again, he did not think much of hiding behind a disguise such as sunglasses, like Shuichi's boyfriend, Eiri Yuki. He preferred a more natural approach. _Then again, I do speed here on a motorcycle almost every day, so I don't have rabid fangirls after me._

He had made sure to get there a little earlier than usual this morning, since he was there to meet someone. Hiro was getting tired of calling Shuichi and not being able to talk to him, much less see him. However, he also knew that Shuichi had to face the music and deal with the other underlying part of the problem. Of course, while his lover was helping him get comfortable and recover from his accident, Hiro was also afraid that Shuichi would be too fearful to try to sing again. That would be a problem.

Shuichi Shindou was driven by music in the whole time that Hiro had known the pink haired boy. _Shuichi was always reckless, stubborn and practically a flunk out in high school, but he had a certain charisma about him._ _ He still does. I don't want anything to happen to him. After last week—if he's not talking to me—_

_I'm pretty sure he's not talking to Mr. Yuki, either. All Shuichi wants is to know he loves him, and that he is loved in return._

A sigh escaped his lips as Hiro had pulled out a pack of Marlboros that Yuki had loaned him. _ . . . how many did I borrow? I know that asshole is going to make me pay him back for the few packs he "loaned" me._ But he took one out of the pack and had taken a lighter from his pocket as he put the cigarettes back. Then, he lit up the lighter and took a puff.

He heard someone behind him. "You'll kill yourself with that hobby. Smoking isn't good for you."

Hiro turned around and glanced briefly at the figure. His eyes turned dark at the sight of a dark brown haired man with a set of earphones around his ears, and two necklaces around his neck . . . and holding a pink stuffed bunny rabbit with a red bow. His black tank top and leather pants were not half bad—but Hiro made a huff and took in more nicotine. It felt rather nice. "Thanks for coming, Sakuma-san. Is that other guy with you?"

"I told Tatsuha to stay at home," Ryuichi replied as he took off his earphones. "I don't want to mess up anymore than we already have."

"Why are you the only one taking responsibility?" Hiro asked, rather curious.

"Because it's true, isn't it? I wished that it didn't happen, though."

"Shuichi won't talk to me. I don't think he's talked to Mr. Yuki about what happened. He's not answering my calls."

Ryuichi looked upset at that. "Maybe Shu's just sleeping."

"He picked up, but asked if he could call me back later. But, listen a minute." Hiro took a breath and moved some hair away from his face. _Mr. Yuki got me into this bad habit of smoking again. My brother would have a fit. I quit social smoking a long time ago. I'll have to suck on lollipops to stop or something, if I keep doing it. _"Ryuichi Sakuma, you are the reason that Shuichi chose to take up singing in the first place. The fact that you kind of did this to him is some sort of sick irony."

Ryuichi hugged Kumagoro close to him, obviously distressed. "I know . . . "

"So I wanted to know if you could come with me to visit Shuichi, since maybe he'd talk to you more than he would talk to Tatsuha." Hiro waited to see what he would say.

But Ryuichi just looked at Hiro and leaned against a car. "Why can't Tatsu-chan go? Shouldn't he have to do it as well?"

"And here I thought you valued Tatsuha's life, and forbidden manlove." Hiro grinned.

"I do!" Ryuichi proclaimed.

"Eiri Yuki would kill him. I want to know what happened to Shuichi, not to have your Tatsuha be beat up and another trip back to this place." Now, Hiro put out the cigarette and looked at Ryuichi. "I know you didn't mean for that incident to happen to him. However, I think that if you saw him, you could remind him of the reason that he chose to sing in the first place."

Ryuichi was lost in thought a moment. "I'd really like to sing with Shuichi again, Nakano-san. But do you think it's possible? Shu-chan might not want to sing anymore."

"If that's true . . . then I am putting all my blame on you, Ryuichi Sakuma."

Ryuichi just stared at Hiro as he ran a hand through his hair, getting some ashes out of it. "Come on, Nakano-san!"

"Why couldn't I blame you? You followed Uesugi-san's plan, which resulted in this mess. If Shuichi won't talk to me on the phone, then I guess he won't want to sing, either. I canceled practice today to be able to go see Shuichi. I thought you wanted to come, not run away." Turning around, Hiro started walking towards where he had his motorcycle parked. "And here I thought you were the one preaching that you had—"

"Nakano-san!" Ryuichi bellowed. "I thought—look, I love Shu-chan to pieces. I told Tatsu-chan that, I mean it. I wanted to fix things."

Hiro smirked as he buttoned up his jacket. "Alright, then we leave now, Ryuichi." As he walked again, his phone went off. It was Shuichi's singing of Spicy Marmalade as his ringtone. Pleasantly surprised, he picked it up. "It went according to plan, Ayaka. You know what to do. I'll bring Sakuma-san over."

"What are you talking about, Nakano-san?" Ryuichi asked as Hiro finished his phone call. "According to plan?"

Hiro nodded. "Yep."

"What's going on?"

"Fixing things. We're going to, no matter what it takes, Sakuma-san."

Ryuichi hugged Kumagoro tighter as he walked. "You all still have that passion, but it's weaker."

"Of course. We all love Shuichi. If Mr. Yuki wasn't with him, and went with Ayaka—I'd be with him. But, I'm not. So I do whatever I have to do." Hiro laughed a little. "He's been in my life forever. I'm not about to let him shut himself off now. I need him as much as Mr. Yuki needs him."

"And if—" Ryuichi asked as Hiro finally got to his motorcycle.

Hiro put on his helmet and sat down. "It _will_ work. Shuichi has to bounce back, because then we can't be Bad Luck anymore. Really, it's what makes us work. Our resilience." He threw Ryuichi a helmet. "Put it on."

"I'm riding with you? It'll cover up my headphones! I need my music!"

"Not until Shuichi sings again. There's a bag behind you. Put it in those. I'm not taking anyone back to the hospital." Hiro's voice was cold. "If Shuichi doesn't sing ever again—I'll make sure your acting career is permanently on hold. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he sings again."

"Aren't you being a bit—"

"_No._ Someone has to protect Shuichi, when Eiri Yuki can't. I'm appointing myself that role, since Seguchi-san has his hands full. Get on." Hiro revved up the motorcycle and bought it to life. "I'd hold on, if I were you."

Ryuichi nodded as he put the helmet on and looked a bit upset as he got on and held onto Hiro's waist, driving off.

_I hope he realizes the extent of those words. Without Shuichi, Back Luck won't exist. He loves that band more than life, and as much as Eiri Yuki._

_Without Shuichi—there's really nothing to it._

_I won't let that happen—not when he brought me back, and give me the happiness I've looked for for so long._

_

* * *

  
_

Tomoko Hanren sat at her desk again and sighed as she pulled out her appointment book, knowing that she forgot to give Eiri the card for the other therapist for Shuichi Shindou. She knew that the appointment the other day was by far the most productive since she had seen him in six months. Tomoko had not made that much progress since he had admitted that Shuichi had rejected his lyrics. _They're very intricate people,_ she decided. _I'm convinced that all creative people have bi-polar. However—I know that if Eiri could get away without seeing a therapist once for six months, he can do it again. It's not medication he needs—he needs to openly admit his feelings._

_Though, that is kind of hard._

Her hands leafed through the file and looked over the notes that she had taken of Eiri Uesugi. She made it look like she did not take any, but that was what the audio recorder was for in her cracked desk drawer. If she took notes, he most certainly would not talk. The natural approach worked with all her clients. It was just one of the many things she did to keep her clients as comfortable with her as she could.

However, she knew that the file was considerably thicker, since she was told she could keep his manuscript of what he was working on. _Why on earth would he tell me to keep this, when he was so secretive about his works before?_ That part she could not figure out.

Tomoko was about to look over the file when the door knocked loudly. Immediately, the file went back into the file cabinet and she locked the door to it. She knew who it was without even looking at the door. It was the same thing, week after week. "I thought I told you I was not privy to giving you information, Mr. Seguchi."

"Ahh, I see you found me out," Tohma said in a playful tone. "But you really should just—"

"I meant what I said about that Lysol, last week," Tomoko warned as she pulled a yellow bottle marked "Dandelion Fresh". "You're not going to scare me off."

"You say that every week," Tohma said.

"I got done playing bullshit with Eiri about 2 days ago. I'm not up for another round." Tomoko held the bottle out, as if she was putting a barrier around herself for protection. "Mr. Seguchi, I think that given the past few weeks—"

Tohma glowered at her as he lowered his hat. "So you're not giving me any information?"

"—I think that Eiri's finally gotten a breakthrough, of some sorts." She put her finger on the trigger button and smiled. "But interfering with your brother in law is not going to help things. This is something he has to deal with on his own."

He took off his purple and gray frilled trenchcoat and sat it on Tomoko's couch, as if not hearing her in the first place. "Doctor—I'm here because I sincerely want things to work. My attitude in the past hasn't been stellar—"

"Stellar isn't what I would call it. You're borderline between stalking and caring when it comes to Eiri," Tomoko muttered, still not convinced to put the Lysol bottle down.

"But in all honesty, I'm here to ask one question. Did you end up giving Eiri anymore drugs?"

Tomoko lifted an eyebrow. " . . . I told him. Goddamnit."

"Told him what?" The blonde was grinning. "What happened?"

The Lysol bottle was sprayed in Tohma's direction and he covered his nose. He gagged for a moment before he actually looked at Tomoko, glaring.

"Why are you spraying me for?"

"You're annoying me, and I certainly can't do what I want to do," Tomoko said with a smile. "I told him not to take that while he went to the hospital. But of course, does he listen?"

"Eiri is Eiri," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I just want to know what he's on, that's all."

Tomoko sighed. "You can ask him yourself, Mr. Seguchi. But while you're here . . . may I ask a few questions about this Shuichi Shindou I've heard a lot about the past few weeks?"

"Only if you tell me what you talked to Eiri about." Tohma wagged his finger at her.

"He's not a client of mine. It wouldn't break the confidentiality clause. Besides, something bothers me." The woman went through her desk and gave Tohma a card, making sure that had it in his had. "I'll just tell you this, then. Eiri said that he needed therapy after he got out of the hospital."

" . . . so it's worse than I thought," Tohma muttered. "I thought resilient Shindou-san would be able to bounce back. But it's like I feared." He looked away, a hand near his cheek as if in thought. He leaned back against the leather cushions and sighed. "Shindou-san is very . . . unique. Always doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants—and no matter what the consequences are. You could say it's what draws people to him."

Tomoko laughed softly. "I see. Of course, something this traumatic would stop a happy-go-lucky personality. Is that what is bothering Eiri so much?" She rose from her chair and sat the Lysol can down on the desk, where Tohma could see it. "Would Shindou be the type to come willingly?"

" . . . right now? I don't know. None of us but Eiri have been able to speak to him, really." He glanced at the can. "I really thought you weren't serious about that can."

She twirled a strand of hair. "Well, I think that maybe things will change soon."

"I hope you're right." He stood up and grabbed his trenchcoat, putting it on.

"Oh, and one more thing," Tomoko said, adjusting her glasses. "If you ever listen under the door again, I'll make sure that it's not Lysol that I spray underneath that door."

" . . . is that even legal?" Tohma asked.

Tomoko smiled. "I know you care, Mr. Seguchi, but trust me. Eiri'll be fine. That card is for him. I forgot to give it to him. I am not taking on both of them at the same time." She went to the door to open it and looked at Tohma. "I have an appointment in a few minutes, as entertaining as this was."

"Well, you actually gave me something useful, Dr. Hanren." Tohma took the hint and stepped out of the door. "I would suggest—"

"Just because this time went well doesn't mean we're friends, Mr. Seguchi. Goodnight." Tomoko closed the door as Tohma was about to retort something else. "God, I really need more than Lysol in order to keep him out. I'll talk to Eiri next week about fashion catalogues. He's right about Tohma's style." The woman walked back to her desk and grinned as she grabbed her phone. "Momo, is my next appointment here?"

"Yes, Doctor."

"Good, I'll come out and get her now."

"Alright." The phone went dead.

Tomoko thought of the manuscript and smiled as she went to leave her office. _Oh, yes . . . I can tell how much of an impact Shindou has on you. It'll be your best novel yet, Eiri—since this guy seems to be the center of everyone's attention._

_If Tohma Seguchi is after trying to get this guy better, then he must be good at what he does. Though, with him—I'm not sure what his motive is._

As Tomoko Hanren went to meet with her next patient, she only hoped she could be there to witness the phenomenon of her career.


	5. Aspire

A/N: So this chapter I decided to do something a little different and tried to keep it one scene for the most part. This does feature the other couple that this is about.

I'd to thank my normal beta, and TATU for the inspiration for this chapter. Many songs are like this. I write based on what music moves me for a scene.

Also, I write things based on the manga, and not the anime. I did not like how the anime was, but felt that the manga was the true story of Gravitation. There is one scene later where I use the imagery from the anime to help describe a scene, but otherwise that is it.

Legalities: Gravitation © Maki Murakami. Marian, Arlena, hospital and Tomoko © Elizabeth Whittaker.

* * *

Chapter Four

Aspire

_When I heard about him, I had already thought that it was too late. I knew about the television taping--about the interview he had about promoting his third album that was supposed to come out. However, he never found out about the secret that I did from him._

_I was going to give S a surprise. I was going to announce about the song that I forced his bandmates to hide from him--why I was holed up in my office, longer than usual. It was a present, making that song for--_

_I'm getting ahead of myself. I wish I could just think about things in a chronological way, but he invokes emotions that I had wished damn me. Instead, they make me hurt even more, at the way I couldn't protect S from his old lover, the sadist ex-boyfriend that he is. _

_~Excerpt from Requiem_

The screaming was the only thing Tatsuha remembered as he sat up in the bed, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. He held a hand to his chest, half hoping that his heartbeat would slow down and that the panic would go away. It did not matter that he had an electric blanket under the covers—he was still rather cold from reliving that nightmare.

There were snippets of it . . . that much Tatsuha knew. The young man tried smoothing out his black hair, knowing that even though he had dreamed, he still had bedhead. His mouth tasted stale, as if he had not had anything to wash it out in days. Really, Tatsuha had not left the apartment in a week, since he was personally barred from visiting Shuichi. This had left him very depressed, and he had no idea what to do. With everyone angry at him, they slowly started isolating him, leaving him alone in his grief.

Well, almost everyone. Ryuichi had stayed with him, and that was oddly comforting.

Without a place to go, he had ended up staying at Ryuichi's penthouse suite. It was nice, he had to admit. He never thought that Ryuichi of all people would have a good sense of fashion. Tatsuha thought that others had told him what to wear. But then again, he remembered Ryuichi's devious side—like kidnapping his own brother to put a scare into Shuichi. He wondered if he would see the darker side of Ryuichi.

Well, he most certainly saw the darker side of Tatsuha, the night that they came up with the plan to kidnap Shuichi to make Eiri realize what he was doing to him. However, there was a difference. Where Tatsuha had not hurt Eiri in that instance, they instead got a car blown up and Shuichi was propelled out of the windshield and sent to the emergency room, almost dying as he was being operated on.

Tatsuha found it ironic that Shuichi had forgiven him for following Ryuichi's plan that time, but that he was too scared to come out and see him in the same room this time. He was upset at the fact that the last remaining bonds of his relationship with his family had deteriorated. _It's all because they dote on Eiri,_ Tatsuha decided. _I knew I shouldn't have been cool with my brother turning weird and queer. Then again . . . _

_Do I have any right to judge, now?_

Tatsuha looked around him and found that in his sleep, he had kicked the sheets off the bed. He decided that this would be a good time to get up out of bed and ad put the sheets back on, looking for a pair of pants. Despite that Ryuichi had expressed an interest in him, Tatsuha still found it hard to just strut around his house in a pair of boxers. He was not that bold, and he was freezing.

It took him a moment to find the pair of pants that he had worn for two days, and he slipped the simple denim jeans on, zippering them up. He could not find his shirt, however and decided that he was not leaving the house anyway. If he was not leaving, it did not matter if he put on the shirt. Sighing, he went to where the kitchen was and found a note scrawled on a paper plate and a sharpie marker.

"I'll be back, Tatsu-chan! Had to go run somewhere—there's still stuff if you want anything! Make sure Kumagoro gets some food, too, kk?"

Underneath was a signature with a bunny on it and an R across it.

Tatsuha grinned and took the paper plate, treasuring it for a memento. He was thinking that in a few days that Ryuichi would kick him out, or Tohma would. One of them wanted him gone, at least. He could not help but think that, with everything that had happened.

After he had hugged the plate for a moment, his eyes glanced at the Cocoa Puffs that were on the table, snorting. He was just learning different things everyday, he realized.

His eyes glanced over to the huge plasma screen TV and the DVDs that were sitting in piles on the ground. The day before, he never thought that Ryuichi would be the type to watch Disney movies or Ice Age. However, he had seen his DVD collection and then they had watched Mulan, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty and both Ice Age movies. He had to admit that after a while, Tatsuha got into the plot of the movies. After thinking that, he groaned and put a hand on his forehead. _There is no way I am seriously gay. I swear to god. This isn't happening._

In a way, Tatsuha actually did not mind watching them with Ryuichi. He just wished that Ryuichi would not turn up the television at every song that came on and then bounce around the room and sing like everyone. It was cute after the first few, but when Ice Age came on, Tatsuha wanted to just take the DVD and snap it in half. He had managed to get Ryuichi to stop with the singing though, and once he was placed back on the couch bodily, the mood had changed with the movie forgotten.

_. . . So I guess I'm one of the perverts now._

He looked back at the Cocoa Puffs and grabbed them, trying to open the lid. As he was in the middle of that, there was a knock on the door. Tatsuha turned his head towards the noise, setting the Cocoa Puffs down. He certainly did not want to look like a moron with the cereal box in his hand as he opened the door. Then, he also remembered that he did not have a shirt on, but overlooked that as he ran his hands through his short black hair and turned the doorknob so that it was unlocked. "Don't tell me you forgot your keys again, Ryu," Tatsuha muttered as he turned the knob to open the door.

As it swung open, his mouth dropped. _What is she doing here?! Isn't she supposed to be back home? _"A—Ayaka?"

The person who had been standing there looked back at him, brushing brown bangs out of her eyes with a shake of her head. "Hello. I came here to look for you." Her hands moved to adjust her headband, then brushed off her long black skirt. Finally, Ayaka took off a long brown trenchcoat and revealed a classy purple blouse with frilled sleeves. "May I step in?"

"Does your father know that you're here?" Tatsuha asked. "I would hate—"

"Mr. Uesugi, my father knows that Nakano-kun is making sure that I am well cared for. He does not need your interference." Pausing, she looked at him coolly. "Now, may I step inside to discuss something with you?"

"Ah—" Tatsuha was not sure if he wanted her to come into the apartment or not. After all, it really was not his place. "Well, you see—"

Ayaka folded her arms across her chest. "Either way, I don't think you want me to continue this conversation in front of—" Glancing at her purse, she pulled a phone out of her pocket. Her nimble fingers lifted up the Nokia phone and she pressed a button. "Hello, Hiro-kun. Yes, I'm here. I'm alright." A smile played on her face as she held the phone to her ear. "I will. Will you do as I asked you?"

"Wait, what—"

"He's right here," Ayaka went on. "I just arrived. I'll call you shortly when I'm done."

_Wait, what is with this we stuff?_ "What—"

"I'm sure he will, Hiro-kun. I'll call back soon. Take care." She pressed another button and put it back in her purse. "So, when are you going to try to see Mr. Shindou?"

Tatsuha's face fell. " . . . Eiri doesn't want me to," he admitted. "I've already made a mess of everything—"

"That doesn't mean it's not what Eiri wants. Have you forgotten everything so readily?" Ayaka narrowed her eyes and sighed. "You didn't mean to do it—I know that much, and I know what your intentions were. However, that does not excuse you for trying to fix your mistake."

"He almost died," Tatsuha pointed out as he moved away from the entrance, letting her through. "Do you honestly think that Eiri—"

"Your brother is different, when it comes to that boy." Her black eyes hardened, but yet she smiled. "If you think that Mr. Seguchi, our arranged marriage and your sister's attempts failed at keeping them together, why would _you_ be able to thwart it? I would think that you had enough common sense for that—but I see that I was wrong."

Tatsuha only looked at the ground, noticing how deep the cracks were in the tile floor. _Do they really need to make me feel any worse about this than I already am? As if I didn't hear enough about it already. Wait, how does Ayaka—oh right. She's dating that Nakano guy, now. Shit._

"We're going to see Mr. Shindou today, but first we're meeting up and probably get them some things. With Eiri not able to leave the house—"

"Oh! That's a good idea," Tatsuha said, cutting her off. His face lit up. "I might be able to make a peace offering—"

Ayaka shot him down. "We're not getting him any beer. Period."

_There went that idea. _"I can't believe that—"

"We're underage, remember? Besides, he doesn't need that right now."

"You have no idea. I think my brother lives on that shit." Tatsuha had moved out of the way now and had let Ayaka in. "Don't mind the mess. I've sort of been staying here, since Dad decided that my . . . actions are deplorable."

She moved past him and looked into the house. "Well, your father thinks that being a monk is perhaps not your calling. He sends his regards, but told me to tell you to never do anything this stupid again—and to only come home when the media dies down." Yet, she hid a laugh as her hand covered her mouth. "I heard that you're living with Mr. Sakuma."

Tatsuha nodded. "Yeah, for the last week."

"You should have realized it in the first place," she told him, looking at the Cocoa Puffs as she walked into the kitchen. "You always were a Ryuichi Sakuma fan. I don't think that it was Shuichi that you wanted in the first place." Ayaka took another sweep around the kitchen and saw that it was tiled on the walls. "He likes blue tile, I take it."

"You know, I haven't really noticed—"

Ayaka shot him a look. "And here you vowed to learn everything about—"

"Look, I've been depressed, okay?" He just looked over his shoulder to the door they just walked through. "After everyone shut me out, I guess it's hard to find a way to try to atone. As a monk, I do have _some_ morals, after all. The whole thing went out of control." His eyes closed as he thought about something. "How ironic, Ayaka . . . it's usually me who has to go after you."

Despite the resentment that she felt, Ayaka grinned. "So it seems."

"So what do you think I should do?" Tatsuha wondered as he walked over to the leather couch in the messy living room and sat down after throwing a pile of shirts on the floor. "You think I actually should risk Eiri's wrath and come over there to see the kid?"

"Well, Mr. Shindou would probably cope better if he "faced his fear" of you, as Hiro-kun put it." Ayaka walked over and noted how dirty the floor was in the last week with laundry. "Do you two ever clean in here? You make the rest of the house look bad, with this."

Tatsuha smirked. "Welcome to the world of men, Ayaka."

"At least Eiri keeps his house clean."

"Eiri's house is empty," Tatsuha shot at her, "and the clothes _are_ clean. You have no idea how many pairs of shirts and pants that guy tries on everyday. It's like watching a fashion show, behind the scenes." Yet he glanced at all the piles of clothes and had to agree with her on how little floor there was left.

Ayaka glanced at him. "You mean you've been watching?"

"Well, when he goes through the house and just throws shirts everywhere, talking about how . . . "unsparkly" . . . they are, it's kind of hard, isn't it?"

She picked up a pink tanktop and a pair of leather pants, giving them a look over. "Why don't you get showered, and borrow some of his clothes? I don't think Mr. Sakuma will mind too much, if you're living with him." Her hand reached out to give him the items.

"Ayaka—"

"I'm sure you have no more clothes with you. If you have any at all."

"Well . . . no." Reluctantly, he took the clothes. "But I have no other clothes—"

"Tatsuha," Ayaka said slowly, "go get a shower and get dressed. I expect you out here after you are done. You're on your own with the rest of the clothing." She turned around, her long brown hair twirling around her as she walked off and into the kitchen.

The young monk just stared at her, too flabbergasted to speak for a moment as he thought about what he was going to do when he got to Eiri's house. He expected that since Ayaka was here, that she was planning something crazy again--like she did when she told Shuichi about their arranged marriage and had Tatsuha take Shuichi to Eiri at the temple. _If she's doing this behind my brother's back--which one of those two was responsible? If it was Nakano--_

_It could be both of them. While Ayaka wishes for Eiri's happiness, Nanako wants Shuichi's . . . _

"Yes, we're alright, Hiro-kun," he heard Ayaka speaking from the kitchen. "He should be ready within the next hour. Do you want us to meet you somewhere?"

"Wait!" Tatsuha protested as he barreled into the kitchen. "I haven't even showered or eaten breakfast yet!"

"Alright. We'll meet you there. Yes, I have money for the cab. You don't need to worry. I know. We'll meet there. Love you, bye." She flipped the phone shut with her hand and put it back in her purse. "Please, Tatsuha. The faster that you fix things, the faster Eiri and Mr. Seguchi can forgive you. I'm sure you want Mr. Sakuma to be happy, as well, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess . . .he keeps saying I need to fix things."

"Mr. Sakuma is right. Go on, I'll be here while you get ready. I believe we're getting breakfast on the way there, so I wouldn't worry about making any food right now. We're meeting Mr. Sakuma there."

Tatsuha's ears perked up at that. "Ryu's gonna--"

"He'll be with Nakano-kun," Ayaka added. "They met up this morning to make sure it would be a good idea to have you come along. I was told that you've been out of sorts for a while."

"You could say that," Tatsuha replied as he looked back behind him. "You want me to jump in the shower, you say? I haven't wanted to do anything, to be honest. How am I supposed to fix things, right now?"

Her hand went on his shoulder as she spoke softly. "You didn't mean to, right?"

"You're the one who said--"

"Tatsuha." Ayaka took a breath. "You're going to fix this. You want to, because you just said you did--not because everyone is making you. Just be yourself. You may not do it in a day. You may not do it in a few." She pushed him slowly towards the direction of the shower. "But you won't be able to do it without cleaning yourself up. Mr. Shindou might die from your bad body odor."

Now Tatsuha laughed, scratching his head in embarrassment. "Yeah, well . . ."

"It's going to take more than just "I'm sorry" to fix this. You know that."

"Yeah." His feet scuffed against the hardwood floor. "Ayaka?"

"Yes?"

"He'll be okay, right?"

Her pause was enough to tell her the answer, but she answered a moment later. "Nakano-kun said he has not been able to speak to him since Mr. Shindou awakened at the hospital."

"In that case, he wouldn't be talking to Eiri, either." Now, he stepped towards the bathroom, which was the door to the left next to the kitchen. He was amazed at how many pictures of Ryuichi and of Nittle Grasper graced the walls on the left side. He also saw pictures of him with Shuichi, and a few with him and Tatsuha. _When did I miss those?_ Tatsuha asked himself. _I've missed so many things the last few weeks. I was too obsessed with finding love that I didn't see what was in front of me. _"We need to fix it, but we need a plan, Ayaka."

The girl blinked a moment as Tatsuha finally got the gist of what she had been trying to do for the last twenty minutes. "I know that. Why do you think I'm here?"

"Well, I'll grab a shower, and then we can meet them. I'll ride you on my motorcycle, if you want." Now, he grinned as he ran for the bathroom and turned around to stare at her.

"No offense, Tatsuha . . . but I think I'll stick to the cab, for now." Ayaka chuckled nervously as she had her hand up. "Safer, you see."

"Yeah, I understand." Still grinning, he shut the bathroom door, and the sound of the water running could be heard a moment later.

Ayaka sighed in relief as he shut the door and she went to sit on the leather couch, grabbing the television remote to turn the television on, checking out anything interesting that might check her eye. She settled on some sort of talk show, and winced as she heard Tatsuha's voice singing in the shower. At least one thing had not changed.

* * *

Hiro had decided that he was not going to ever plan anything this spontaneous again--at least without turning off his cell phone. He was tired of the phone ringing when he was driving his motorcycle, and no one understood how hard or impossible it was to pick up a cell phone and talk on it through a helmet, much less able to control the vehicle. After the 12th time that it rung, Hiro could not stand it anymore and had to pull over. He noticed that he pulled into the parking lot of a Zenny's and pulled into a parking spot, putting the kickstand out so that he could stand the motorcycle up. "Mr. Sakuma, we're going to stop here for now," he said, pulling off his helmet and shaking his long brown hair free.

Ryuichi also did the same thing. "That was fun. I want a motorcycle, Nakano-san."

"You, my friend, are not driving without supervision--much less owning a dangerous vehicle such as this one," Hiro retorted as he pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. He groaned at each new call. "How did I get 12 missed calls?!"

"Well, Tohma likes to call a lot," Ryuichi offered, pointing a finger upward. "So does K-san."

Hiro grunted, shivering from the sudden cold that came over him. "Well, five calls are from Mr. Seguchi, four are from K, one from Mr. Sakano, one from Ayaka and one from Shuichi." He sighed, not bothering to listen to the voicemails. Instead, he had dialed Shuichi's number and had called him back. "Hey, Shuichi. How you feeling?"

"Well, how is he?" Ryuichi mouthed out, pointing at the phone.

Hiro's eyebrows furrowed. "Well, they said that you'd be groggy, I'm sure, Shuichi. Don't worry about things for a little while. Is Mr. Yuki there with you?" He started walking towards the restaurant and motioned for Ryuichi to follow him, pointing to the bag that he had his things in. Ryiuchi had gotten the items out and was putting his headphones back on as Hiro was listening.

"Ok, that's good that you two are getting along--what, you're not?"

Ryuichi had his headphones on as he was playing with the silver iPod Touch that he had. He had a look of concern on his face as he followed Hiro, putting on a pair of sunglasses. "Shu-chan . . ."

"Well, I'm sure Mr. Yuki has a lot on his mind, Shuichi. Just take things slow with him. Can Ayaka and I stop over to see you tomorrow?" He paused as he opened the door to the restaurant. "Look, Mr. Yuki doesn't need quiet all the time. I'm sure even he'll understand, and maybe even like the company. We can all play 1 v. 100 or something on that 360 console you were telling me about a few weeks ago."

Ryuichi had now came over to Hiro and overheard the whisper on the phone. "But I don't want you to--you don't have to, Hiro. I'll be fine--"

"Shuichi. I am coming to see you, because I care--not because anyone asked me to come over. I care about you. I told you that a long time ago, remember?" Hiro glared at Ryuichi, who shrank back and just walked through the door. "Yes, Shuichi. Mr. Yuki's not mad at you. Everything'll be fine. Look, I'll stop over with Ayaka tomorrow. Just let Mr. Yuki know, and call me if you can't, alright?" He paused again. "Everything'll be fine. Don't worry about work--Fujisaki and I have it covered. We're going to wait on the album until you're all better."

Impatiently, Ryuichi came back over to Hiro and stood next to him.

"You're not causing any problems, and none of this is your fault, Shuichi," Hiro replied, looking at Ryuichi again. "We're going to fix it and get through it. None of us are going to leave. Concentrate on getting better. I promise, everything'll be fine, okay?" Sighing, Hiro looked around and saw that a male host was looking at them rather strangely. "Ok. Make sure you get plenty of rest, and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Take care, Shuichi." With that, he hung up the phone, looking a little bit upset. "Ryuichi."

The other hung his head down, running a hand through his hair. " . . . Shuichi sounds defeated."

"He's scared, Mr. Sakuma," Hiro confessed as he looked at the host and put on his best smile. "Hi. Table for four, please. We have two people meeting us here."

The male host nodded. "Booth or table, sir?"

"Table," Hiro replied. "And a private one, out of the way, please."

"Of course. I have the perfect one. This way, gentleman." He turned around and started to show them to the table.

Hiro followed the host , smiling as he carried his helmet against his arm. The guitarist was happy that he picked the restaurant that Shuichi and himself had hung out at many days after high school. He remembered how they would sit here and talk about their dreams--about how they wanted to become a group, and at how he would help Shuichi with his lyrics after school. Hiro remembered year after year how they would play in talent shows for school, and held mini concerts at the school dances. Those were good memories that he had with him, and ones he wanted to continue.

He found it a bit ironic when the host sat them at a table they used to sit at, near the window of the parking lot. "Here you are, gentleman. Someone should be here to get your drinks momentarily." With that, the host left and Hiro took a seat. Ryuichi took a seat a moment later.

Hiro just got done sitting the helmet on the table next to him when Ryuichi asked, "What are we going to do, Nakano-kun?"

"We're going to wait for the others to get here. I did say this was a table for four, didn't I?" Hiro just folded his hands together and put his arms on the table. "Your Tatsuha and Ayaka will be here shortly, after he gets together and gets ready."

Ryuichi blinked. "Why can't we all go over now, like you said?"

"Because right now, we're not ready to go over. We're going to come up with a plan." Hiro's eyes bored into Ryuichi. "If we don't, you both will be killed by Eiri Yuki. I don't think that'll be beneficial."

"But you said--"

"If you want to fix things," Hiro said, "I'd sit down and look over the menu. No one will be able to fix things without a full stomach, a sound mind--and a plan. Besides, they should be here within the next hour, anyway."

Ryuichi took out a DS Lite that was somehow in his pocket and took off his headphones. "You're sure this is a good idea?"

Hiro nodded. "As good as an idea as we're going to get." His hands picked up the menu and flipped through the pages, wondering what he was going to have while he waited for Ayaka and Tatsuha. He did not know about the others, but he certainly was hungry. After all, with worrying about Shuichi so much, he had not had time to eat anything put cafeteria food from the hospital. He was going to make up for it now, and enjoy whatever he could of it.


End file.
